Newark Liberty Airport – June 9, 2024
To start our journey, Ethan and Ethan Luke arrived at our house in Morristown in time for lunch and a small family gathering wishing us a bon voyage! A car service picked us up in a stylish big black van which probably made us look like a neighborhood celebrity. It were high-flying until we reached Liberty National airport terminal B at about 6:00 for our 8:10 flight to Poland. Plenty of time, as it should be.
The LOT Airlines receptionist asked if we had any electronics. Duh! Who doesn’t? But what she meant was that ANY electronic device had to be carried onboard and NOT checked in our luggage. Seemed odd to us but we went into the suitcase and transferred our gear, including cameras and computers to our carry on bags. This was a minor inconvenience but we gladly complied. BTW – LOT does not offer onboard wifi.
With boarding passes and luggage checked we proceeded to the TSA screening. Since we were flying Business Class we were able to avoid the “Economy” screening line of about 100 people and were processed quickly…until the woman who looked as stern as a prison guard saw my passport and notice an irregularity. My name on the passport was “Paul Kiczek” but the ticket, which Ethan had bought months ago was issued to “Paul Robert Kiczek”. This was a big red flag and we were pulled out of line. The TSA clerk said she could not let me board unless the ticket read “Paul Kiczek”.
So, we go back to the LOT receptionist and plead with her to change the ticket. She said she could not but could add another line with “Paul Kiczek” showing so that might help. Fortunately, although the screening line was getting long the nasty TSA clerk must have now been on break and we all passed the name test this time. Now all that was left was for our carryon bugs and our bodies to be scanned.
And, of course there was a new problem – my body. The x-ray somehow showed a metallic area at my crotch! Folks, I know of no reason that I could think of for me going “metal”. Naturally I was man-handled with a pat down but not cavity searched by a professional screener as he snapped on his latex gloves and found me to be free of at least dangerous metals. Yikes! It still makes me wonder. Why me?
Finally, post-body search I go to pick up my screened bag and its pulled out of line. Yes, this time it was a rookie mistake on my part. I had taken a can of seltzer with me to drink before we boarded. And, everyone knows that 12 ounces of liquid can be as dangerous as carrying a loaded gun onboard. Tossing out the drink, we were finally ready to board with just 45 minutes before departure.
This was an awkward start. Right now I am flying over the Atlantic and all things seem peaceful again and actually pretty nice in business class with 8 hours to go before landing. Fingers crossed. We will soon be entering an old Soviet-style world which we hope has changed its bureaucracy for the better.
My Plan C 